Forbidden

I think I fell in love with a guy

I shouldn’t have involved myself with

I know it’s wrong

But I was drowning

Deep into the pool of his honey brown eyes

But I was caged

Into his warm arms

But then he drowned me no more

He caged me no more

Maybe, he loved me no more ?

I couldn’t stop thinking

I couldn’t stop watching

Regardless I fell

Fell into the deep abyss

Just to be caged

Just to be drowned

And I fell deeply

His City. 

His city, feels so warm and protective, the way it felt between his arms. I have never been this place but feels like home, the way his arms felt like.

I never had any intention to travel around but when it felt like he were gone, I wanted to feel the warmth of him, wanted to know what it felt like just one more time. To my surprise, his city gave me all his warmth with a little chillness of guilt. 

I miss him, I miss him so much, this guilt of letting him go, this guilt of not trying to turn around, a lump of guilt around my heart. Even if he has come back, deep down I have already known that it ain’t the same, and it will never be the same. Maybe I lost him, lost him over all those blunders and jokes, which all seemed so silly to me. 

Darling, I’ve always wanted you, ALWAYS. But just the way, I had to leave your city to get back to mine, I had to leave you and the past, to get back to my ownself. Things might not have changed, but feelings definitely did. Your city gave me all it could, but couldn’t make me stay, just the way you couldn’t. 

Him. 

The word ‘him’ might be a just an object of verb or a preposition but just that single word brings up my heartbeat, blood flows faster in my veins, everything seems so blur. Because that him was wholly with me, once mine. 

Him, the word which once brought a smile in my face now brings tears in my eyes. Him, the person who smiled seeing my name now frowns at it. Him, once with that bigbutt heart now doesn’t seem to care. Him, the one who never had enough, now fed up. Him, who once made time for things he love now tries to engage himself to forget. Him, who thought of beating out people if I ever left, now wants me to find someone. Him, whose care and kindness was as vast as that sky above  now really doesn’t seem to care at all. Him, who once talked about trying to make my feelings constant despite my age now doesn’t want to know what it feels like to me. Him, who once dreamt about us, who connected our lives, now forcefully separates me out of him. Him, whose once I was a priority now is a freetime option. Him, who never failed to understand me now closes his eyes and ears and the door of his heart for me. That him who loved me, now seems so confused about it, blaming all those hormones which made it feel this better.

How am I supposed to make things better when he doesn’t even look at it? How am I supposed to talk right when he’s deafen himself? How am I supposed to understand when youre not even trying to explain right?  Why am I supposed to stay when he’ll all be fine by himself? What should I try to fix when this whole trust thing is missing? When will I convey all this when his interest is lost, when he has no time? What am I trying to prove, that I can make this okay? Why should I fix it when everything’s alright with him?  Why should I when he’s more happier when I ain’t around? Why try when all the doors closed? Why love when there’s nothing but emptiness and sorrow? How to fix it? How to take all that back? 

I don’t know. I’m giving up for I can do nothing. For I am worthless of all that time. For I’ve never really understood you. For I’ve always been so selfish. For I’ve never acknowledged what it was like to you. For I was all wrong. For I couldn’t even help myself or my habits and all those blunders I repeated. For I thought we could make this through. For we were two different people and maybe it wasn’t just meant to be. 

That known stranger

People change, you should too. 

Once best friends, now strangers with secrets. Once passionate lovers, now some weaklings with memories. Once mates, now hoes. 

See how just everything changes? Putting on your every effort to be with them. And in seconds they’re some kind of strangers with a whole or half or even just a little part of you. Nothing is constant, not when it comes to human lives and feelings. Being a victim and watch them play victims. Oh! Such a shame. Well, poor us! We believe in everything you say or do and in return we just want nothing but your happiness and you give that a name of ‘Drama’ and we have to watch you play victims. Wow! Maybe people really are a bunch of hypocrites. When you need us we have to be there and when the same thing comes to you, it’s a burden, its annoying, or we are called nuisance or drama. Hey hey! You’re making my life more messy just get out. I don’t need you, even though I never had anyone except you as a companion you used me. You abused me not physically but mentally. You know about my secrets you know me insideout the how come you not know I won’t tolerate this? So you don’t know me at all. You couldn’t match your pace with me maybe I was too fast or you were too slow but it has to be this. I totally accept being a fool runningto save you and you give me this? As in return. But thank you, you made me realise that getting over this, our friendship, our bond, the love we share which I thought was irrelevant and impossible is soon happening. Not only your dark side but your good side, you made me stronger and more cautious. Also you taught me how to fool people with that fake smile and talks, it’s been more useful these days. I never hope to see you ever again. You hurt me girl. Babey, You honestly deserve an Oscar honey. Thank you but no thank you.